I met an older Lady in her 70s somewhere in the community. She takes care of her sick son who is palliative . She visits him at the hospital on a daily basis.. From talking to her, I could tell how dedicated she is to her family . She also takes care of her sick husband who is in hospice care.
We got talking, I am very good at asking questions lol, call me nosy, that’s ok, its part of my job to dig deep by showing empathy. When you ask questions and show care, you will be surprised at the way people will open up to you like they have been searching for who to just cry to. This happens to me too. I have friends I cry to at my down moments, and I tell certain things to strangers on the train or at the mall because I just wanna get it out and I know they will no longer see me, lmao. If you’ve never done this before, it could be therapeutic you know, try it. I mean, we all have sad moments, and venting could be a little bit relieving.
Back to the main gist, this older lady told me how she regrets getting married at an early age, and how she never enjoyed her life from the moment she became a college dropout.. At the age of 20, she was a university student, she really enjoyed school and wanted to become a pharmacist. But in China, they have a culture similar to my background (Nigeria), they believe a female should get married and screw school. Her Dad convinced her to marry a guy that was arranged for her. She fought and cried because she loved school so much and she also wanted to travel around the world. But her parents insisted she stopped school and get married.
Finally she gave up and followed her parents dream. She married the guy she never met, never loved . She had kids right away.
She moved to Canada over 40yrs ago, but was a full time house wife, never went back to school. All she knew was her family. Now she takes care of a sick son and husband.
Today , she is very unhappy, unfulfilled, depressed and exhausted. She hates her life, full of regrets. These were the exact words she told me, holding back her tears. She said she envied how young I was and full of life with a career, because that was what she wanted. Can you imagine feeling this way in your 70s? I gave her a hug, but what can a hug do after I leave? Sometimes, all you need to give is silence, eye contact and a hug. it can help in the moment.
Life can be so unfair. She seems like a very nice person with a gentle spirit and yet, life sucked for her. Her Parents killed her dream.
I never asked her if she loved her husband….. It doesn’t matter anyway, her sadness explains it all, sigh!!!
Dear parents, allow your kids to do what they love. Allow them follow their passion. Your job is to guid, NUTURE them and not to force your own decisions on them to please yourself.
Some Parents can be the biggest dream killers.
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